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User blog:Ddawg1227/Letter to You.
Dear Max, There's a lot I've always wanted to say. I've been thinking so hard for so long about writing this message, for actually saying this to you but I know it probably never will get overlooked. It started when we both met eachother in the pillow room. Best night ever, everyone was happy. Than we were both dating the same scumbag and had no clue and we helped eachother get through everything. You told me to be strong and hold on. I did, and I'm glad I did because the outcome of it all was us. Simply put, us. I loved you from the start and we had our moments. From ewok and wookie, to boo and boobear. From our night in the RP room at 3 am to our night spent in the starry room. From our night on Lupi when I danced for you, the first time I ever RP danced for someone lol, to us getting into a fight over god knows what and Zach raging. To you coming back and me begging to never fight again. From us celebrating our one month to my birthday when you literally claimed Chief and filled me with something I never felt with anyone before. From our next 3 nights till 3 am ever being satisfied enough with eachother's touch to the day you gave me a plastic dino ring and I loved it but cried to you asking if you would put a real ring on my finger someday because all I ever wanted to be was your wife. And you made me yours that night. From waking up to good morning texts and texting in school that made me blush and my friends would all make fun of me for it but it was okay because I never cared what anyone said. From lupa's situation when everyone lost their cool we never really lost ours, for us I mean. From our goodnight kisses, all of them, to not being able to wait for the other person to get out of the shower to the point where if we were there we could break down the door. From promising eachother beautiful little kids, and growing old together, because that's all we ever wanted, to just stopping in the middle of talking to imagine what it would feel like to be held by the other person, to feel their warmth. How I would fail and you would laugh at it or push it off. How I get embarassed or nervous around you because I never knew if being me would be enough to keep you happy, all I want is for you to be happy with whatever you do in life. To hold you, to touch your cheek, to see you smile and hear you say my name would be the greatest gift anyone could give me. To have my last name be yours would be the second, to forever be able to love you is the third, but all that would make first is simply, you. Just imagining the touch of your fingers on my skin, your lips on mine, knowing someone out there was thinking about me the same I did to them was enough to keep me going, keep me happy. But knowing it was you out of the billions of people I could have loved made all the difference. From our picture situation when you were upset to me finally immaging who I was kissing for real. From our little dates on the couches to our watching tv. From you passing out on me and me kidding you goodnight, to even more of our long nights because I couldn't handle a day without your touch. It wasn't a want anymore, desire, nothing. It was a need. You are all I need to keep going. From your meme-texting phase to you not being online in a month, to our 4 months. You fell asleep and I knew. Than things changed. Fights were going on, and you left me because everyone was saying 'you didn't deserve me.' You changed your sniff from: Wife- till the end of time I wait, ChiefMaster.. To girlfriend- . You left and came back, changing your whole appearance and personality. It was if I didn't even exist anymore. Nothing could have killed me more inside than to see that no one could hear me cry. That I was crying and you were not. I don't even feel whole anymore because it feels like you took a piece of me with you. And I told you I would wait and I told you that I DIDN'T deserve anyone better than you because I could NEVER GET ANYONE BETTER. You were the best thing that happened to me Max. Luke already offered to help me out and talk to you. I refused, I want you to be happy and I don't want this to work out because HE was the reason you were talked to. I'd love to be able to be happy again. I won't ever be happy, until I can get that piece back. You were there for me, now I have no one, not even Lynne. She was upset seeing us together which isn't her problem to deal with. Now she's sided with you, whom may I mind your 'daughters' are only your daughters because we were together. So if she's with you I expect you to take care of her. I won't be back for a while, not until another human being sees this at least. I'll still be on dA. I'll be getting notes from 'people' to see how things are going. I hope you are happy with your new pack or whatever on terravore and serenity isles. Forgive me for saying this, but I will never find someone who has loved me like you, so I will always love you.. Whether you love me back or not. I always have. And I always will. I hope that one day Max, we can talk to eachother and be friends. That it won't bring pain on either of us or be 'awkward' because that's the last thing I would want is for you to feel weird around me.. I already did my time praying for you that you would be okay. The bed is colder everynight it seems, even if you weren't even here. My heartbeat, I just can't feel it. Its like I just died and my body is just here. In bed writing this to you. I can't even cry anymore. Nothing helps me feel better. I've already tried everything, and I say everything I can't go into detail because... I can't, since you said 'you don't do anything bad either.' I can't. I just can't function properly. You were my other half, my everything, and now my whole self has fallen apart. Everyone is getting sick of me venting and that depression I have that revolves around you, and I'm becoming a bother so I have to go. For a while at least. No one understood me like you did. No one. Probably no one ever will, I'll be afraid to ever open up forevernore. I will only love you Max, I am going to keep my promise even if you can't keep yours by not staying with me. If you ever find another lady I hope she treats you like absolute gold and that she's better than I was. That you two can be happy, and you are happy. Overall from the bottom of my heart I hope you're happy. I have nothing for me on chatlands anymore. Nothing online, no reason to wait for someone to come on or go on, nothing. I will pray for you, everynight like I did.. I thank God you were in my life. You were the best thing to ever happen to me, the most important aspect of my living. I needed to talk to you to live and breathe, and now I'm gone. Forever I will love you Max, forever you will be my boo, forever I will pray you hear me say I love you even if you don't say it back. Because I do. With every ounce of energy left in me. I love you. I love you Max, till the end of time I wait for you to love me back again. ~Deanna And the one text message I didn't delete; November 16, 10:45 pm: Don't cry ;; *wipes tears and hugs* Max has.. *faceturnsneonred* loved Deanna for longtime. I'm sorry. http://i50.tinypic.com/4uxgtj.png Category:Blog posts